My Eve Has Yet To Come

The idea of getting into a relationship has never gotten to me. I don't know. Way back in high school and college, I've seen my friends eating with their proclaimed girlfriends in the canteen during break time or walking in the corridors holding hands. I've seen how happy they were spending time together. And I was really happy for them too. But I've never considered doing the same. That's their thing, not mine. It wasn't the only source of happiness for me. Was I ever envy? Honestly? No, I was never envy. I never had that feeling. It's just not my type. Yes, I have crushes but it's not worthy taking to the next level. I was a serious thinker ever since. I thought of relationship as a special thing that should only be shared with the right person. You heard it right. Imagine how kj (kill joy) I was. Sounds pathetic huh?
Everytime I go to school and observe my friends with their partners, I can see chemistry - something science can explain. They look good together. They enjoy each others company. They share the same liking. But something's missing. No matter how beautiful the picture appears to the eye, it's lacking something. This missing part of the puzzle is not part of the chemistry - it stretches beyond science. And I found that precious piece nowhere else but home. I saw it in my parents. Some days, my parents don't look good together. At times, they argue on things and disagree. But no matter how tough the situation seems, they stay together. They work things out. The radiance of their relationship never fades. It's as if there's an invisible bond keeping them together. I still have no idea about the entire context of marriage back then. I know for a fact that it takes a mature mind to contemplate on that serious matter but the partnership that my parents displayed has been the cornerstone of my innocent judgment about relationship since then. I said to myself, "that's exactly what I want to have!"
I've heard of breakup stories from my friends and I just don't like the idea of going through the same thing. They said it's part of growing up. I have to get into a relationship at an early age so I can experience the fullness of adolescence. I'll lose half of my life if I don't do this and that. I should go with the flow and follow the trend. I should collect and collect and select. I was like "what"? I just can't. I can't fake it. I don't feel that love they're talking about. Let alone I don't trust it's love they're referring to. What I have is plain admiration and I don't want to play with it. It may have seemed abnormal to them; but I felt very normal. I wasn't playing safe, I was just being honest to myself. Another kj attitude huh? Again, it's just not my type.
I never really understood the true meaning of love until I became a Christian. And I'm glad I was thinking that way I was thinking before. For the first time, the word infatuation made sense to me. I've learned that love is not just a matter of emotion, it is also a decision that we need to make. I've learned that love can make you feel everything's right, when in fact there's a lot of things wrong. I've learned that you have to appreciate your own wholeness and completeness first before you can share yourself to another person in genuine love. We can love because God loved us first (1 John 4:19).
Right relationship is built from right love. Right love comes from God. If the righteous waves are against the direction of your relationship, think again. It may be love but it can be wrong love. Don't let yourself be overpowered by emotion for it may only bring destruction. Be sensitive to the guidance of the Holy Spirit. God has already prepared the right one for us. I remembered once in our small group sessions in church, a brother used the picture of creation to describe when God will bring to you your rightful partner. God gave Eve to Adam when the Eden was already furnished. In the same way, God will give the man a woman to be his partner when his life is already furnished. God wants the man to be prepared before getting into a serious relationship.
I never felt sorry for not entering into any serious relationship before. On the contrary, I'm actually proud of not giving in to persuasions. I don't feel like I missed anything along the way. I feel whole and complete. I haven't found the right one for me just yet but I'll be patiently waiting. I'm faithful that God has prepared the finest for me. In the mean time, I know that I need to furnish my life further so it will be pleasing when the right one arrives. I believe that God will send me the woman that I've been praying for in His rightful time. Someone who shares the same aspiration and the same devotion that I have. His promise never fails. I know my Eve has yet to come. And when she does, I'll make sure I'll be her first and last Adam.